April 22, 2011

WARNING: Long & GRAPHIC!!! Definitely Some TMI Involved. If you are not scared, please continue to read…

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:41 am by midorable93

I’ve learned that I am not cut out for the steady blogging thing.  My life/schedule is entirely too hectic, crazy, and all over the place for me to be able to think of something witty much less sit down and type it!  Today was the exception because this was just entirely too funny not to share.

My two busiest and most expensive months of the year are December and April.  December obviously because of Christmas, but it is also my birthday month and even though I’m 30 years old I deserve to feel special on my day!  Then there’s also April.  April is my daughter Loryn’s birth month, and this year not only is her birthday in April, but so is Easter (I should mention that I go ALL out for the holiday’s and birthday’s).  Not only is it my daughter’s birthday this month, but it’s her 13th birthday.  That’s a pretty big deal for a girl.  Not only is it her 13th birthday and Easter this month, but they both happen to fall on the same day.

Here’s my Easter weekend: (the graphic part happens after I’ve made my big dramatic set-up, I promise)

Friday after work, I pick up her bff Misty for a sleepover at our house, then grocery shop not only for a tween night of full grown man style snacking, but also Easter dinner.  Tween sleepover, enough said.

Saturday at 10am (that’s pretty damn early for me on a weekend) either I am taking them, or Misty’s mom is picking them up & taking them to an Easter egg Hunt.  Don’t judge!   You’re NEVER too old for an Easter egg hunt.  My friend is thinking of creating an Easter egg hunt for grown-ups with grown up like goodies.

After the Easter egg hunt, I’m picking them up and bringing them back to our house to get ready for the laser tag party at 2pm.  The party will last from 2-4pm and be filled with tweens of all ages and sizes running around driving me crazy.  After the party me, the kid, and her bff Misty are going to the mall so the kid can pick out a new pair of earrings.   I should mention that she just got her ears pierced and is almost allowed to change them for the 1st time.

Still Saturday, and now I’ve dropped off  Misty at her house.  I still need to make dinner for the man & kid, put the kid to bed then assemble Easter baskets.  I make one for the man & mini baskets for any guests coming to dinner.  That finally concludes Saturday.

Sunday, Easter & the kid’s actual birthday, I get up early and make the kid whatever she wants for breakfast.  This may include a trip to the grocery store because she is still undecided as to what she wants me to make and will probably wait until Sunday to decide.  After I’ve cleaned up from breakfast I need to get started on prep-work for our big roast beast, aka ham, feast.  While the ham starts cooking, in the oven I get to clean up the remnants of a tween sleepover and prep for company.  The rest is pretty self-explanatory: big dinner, lots of chatting, good times, and a HUGE mess for me to clean up after.

Now let’s backtrack because it’s oh so fun and confusing.  Tonight is Thursday night.  I’ve spent the majority of the day running all over the place at my job.  Whoever said that clerical work is sitting on your ass typing on a keyboard NEVER worked a clerical day in their life!  After work I ran all over the place shopping for Birthday presents & part of Easter dinner.  I don’t necessarily procrastinate, but I am broke and payday was just a couple of days ago.  When I got home I started some laundry and set up my workspace to wrap presents (I spoil my brat).    I hopped in the shower thinking I’d take a nice relaxing shower before I got started because I also had to fill the new iPod her Nana got her and buy a some fun apps to put on it as well.

As I’m mid-shower and starting to feel nice and relaxed, the man comes in feeling horny.  Sadly the water was already getting cold because I’m always the last one to take a shower.  I sweetly explained this to him and told him I’d give him a blow job when I was done & my hair was dried even though I really didn’t want to, but I haven’t given him any in a couple of days.  Sure enough he comes racing in as soon as I turn the hairdryer off.  I think my finger may have even still been on the switch.  Needless to say I then sucked him until he came.

The position I choose (this is pertinent) was him sitting on the edge of the bed with me on my knees.   Now I don’t know about any of you, but I can barely stand the taste of pre-cum, much less handle the full load being torpedoed into the back of my esophagus.  So when he told me he was about to cum I pulled it out and stroked it between my boobies (hehe I like that word, boobies hehe).  I’m not sure if it was the fact that I wasn’t that into it, or if I was too tired to notice or what, but when he came I stupidly had it aimed directly at my head!

If the following hasn’t happened to you yet, trust me, it will.  My dumb-ass ended up shooting it directly into my right eye!  Wtf?!  As I’m thinking, “Fuck that hurts!” I know he’s thinking, “Oh  yeah.  That’s awesome!”.

The moral of my long, tangent filled, grammatically incorrect story is, no matter how out of it or distracted you are, make sure you pay attention to where you aim those loaded things!

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March 17, 2011

Piece ‘o’ S#*t Car

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:43 am by midorable93

It’s amazing how getting your nails done and shopping with your girl can make you feel as if you’ve got no problems in the world.  I’ve spent the last few days working and then coming home to an obnoxiously irritated man and a hormonal teenager.

For the last year or so I’ve been borrowing my boyfriend’s, maybe… anyways.  I’ve been driving one of his two cars for the last year or so.  On Saturday he flipped out, we got into a HUGE argument & he took back his car keys to both cars.

I had been car shopping for about a month, so I knew what was available and out there.  Guess it was time to jump into buying one of them.  Sadly, only one car out there was truly available and decent.  I knew it had some problems, but I needed a car by Monday morning at 8am so I could get to work because I was the only one in the office this week (my boss went to a trade show).  I texted the lady who was selling the 2001 Mitsubishi Mirage.  It was a cute little car.  Luckily she was free to meet up with me and sign over the car.

When I bought the car I knew it desperately needed new rotors (they’re warped), it needed back tires and since they are low profiles on 17 inch rims they aren’t gonna be cheap, and I knew the transmission slipped a little but so did my last car and my mechanic told me that if I do regular tranny flushes every 3rd oil change it would last a while (and it lasted a few years like that).  Now, after I’ve bought the car, I find out that the labor for the rotors is outrageous, the car takes special transmission fluid which costs twice as much & needs to be special ordered from anywhere, the front speakers are blown, and the aftermarket cd player that has been installed resets every time the car turns off which is a bad sign. And all this is on top of (and the day before) insurance, transfer & registration fees, and roadside assistance.

On top of those problems Monday after work I learned that my new-to-me used car lacks the idiot proof beep that most cars have when you are trying to exit the car without turning your lights off.  Therefore I walked out of the office to a dead battery.   So I go up to my co-worker, who is the all American handy man type, and asked if he had jumper cables.  Well of course he would have taken his cables (which also have the battery attached so you don’t even need another car making it super handy) out of his truck the day before.  I then go up to the big boss who’s a pretty resourceful man & asked him.  He thought maybe, but no.  I called my girl and she didn’t have any.  I then resorted to my boyfriend (maybe, I’m not sure where we stand right now after his freak out) and reluctantly he agreed to come help, but it would take him a bit.  That was Monday.

On Tuesday after work I go to my car only to learn that the idiot (being me) has done it again!  Luckily the maybe boyfriend told me to keep his jumper cables in my car.  I guess after 7 1/2 years together he’s learned that I rely on reminders such as the idiot proof beep & he knew I’d do it again.  My co-worked jumped my car for me and as I was pulling away I heard a belt squealing!  I played with the car a bit and realized it’s my alternator belt.  Great!  Another thing that needs to be replaced.

So today, Wednesday I made a discovery about/for my new car. The previous owner had thought she left the spare key in the car the day I came over to pick it up.  She looked and looked but couldn’t find it.  On my way to work I switch highways from the 101 to the 299 & it makes a loopdy-loop for a 270 degree turn (I think I did the math right; you go from driving South, flip around towards the West and end up driving East).  In doing so a bit faster than recommended I heard something rattling in the cubby below the cd player.  Obviously I stuck my hand in the and pulled out the spare key!  Score!

Now today, luckily I didn’t leave my lights on again!  I was meeting with my girl after work to get our nails done while our kids kept each other entertained… well, more like my pre-teen babysat her toddler while we got our nails done.  Afterwards we went by Costco which I’ve been needing to do for a minute.  Then we took a trip to Target which is always fun.  On my way out of the car at Target I made sure to turn my lights off, and I made sure to lock the doors, but unfortunately I forgot to grab the key out of the ignition.  Luckily my girl has AAA and was willing to call for me.

If it were any other day this would, I probably would have been pissed!   But since I had just spent my entire un-stressful evening with my girl, it didn’t even phase me.  Well, except for a few good laughs at my stupidity.  The lesson here is when you get super stressed and want to pull your hair out scream and cry all at the same time, go spend a day or evening out with one of your best friends.  You’ll feel so much better afterwards!

March 13, 2011

Why am I writing this blog?

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:34 am by midorable93

That is a really great question.  I first signed up for this blog because my friend Marian (check our her blog at mariantheduke.wordpress.com) said I should.  I’ve known the woman for what feels like forever & she’s always said I have a way with words.  I think it’s more that I ramble on and go in so many directions I eventually end up making sense.  That was about a week ago.  I then realized I have a lot to say, but really don’t want to bother people with my rambling.  Then I came to the conclusion that this blog would be a great spot for my ramblings!

I don’t really expect anyone other than my personal friends to read this.  I definitely don’t expect for this blog to get me published or famous in any way.  I am only doing this blog to vent, release some thoughts, and maybe hope that someone reads what I have to say and thinks “I’m not the only one”.

I’ve messed up my life pretty good.  The horrible grammar is a small peek at where I am.  I’m 30 years old, I have an amazing almost 13 year old daughter (for those of you attempting the math, I was 17 when I had her), I thought I had found the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I live in a great house in a beautiful neighborhood and in an incredible part of the world.  Then a few months ago my daughter developed the worst teenage, hormonal, stubborn attitude I’ve ever seen; my boyfriend of more than 7 years started treating me like cr@p and we’re in the middle of a horribly ugly break up; therefore I am needing to leave this gorgeous house in this amazing family neighborhood because his name is the only one on the lease & I can’t afford this place all on my own; and if things don’t work out the way I want them to, I’m going to move back to what I refer to as “the black hole of California” aka the Inland Empire.  I’m 30 years old, haven’t been able to go back to finish college due to a lack of extra money (money for books over a month after classes start is NOT a financial “aid”), I barely make more than minimum wage but in this economy a job is a job, and despite the fact that I have a few thousand dollars in cash to buy a car with I have yet to find a reasonable car to purchase.  My life is pretty f*$&d up at the moment.

I have a lot to say, but nowhere to say it.  I used to type a “journal” on my laptop, but a few months ago my boyfriend (soon to be ex) went searching through it and took everything entirely the wrong way.  I’m sorry, but when I’m upset and have horribly mean things I wanna say I honestly don’t want him to hear it.  That doesn’t mean I don’t need an outlet.  Hence this blog.

Again, I don’t really expect anyone to read this.  But if someone does, I hope it gives you comfort that not everyone has their life together by 30.